


i will follow you into the dark

by blothhundr (stargutzz)



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Cancer, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, Other, Sad Ending, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25441663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargutzz/pseuds/blothhundr
Summary: You find out about your cancer too late for it to change your upcoming fate. Kevin tries to cheer you up and make everyday the best, but it can't go on forever.
Relationships: Kevin O'Reilly/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	i will follow you into the dark

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't seen a lot of kevin self inserts, and because this particular genre of fics is my guilty pleasure, i decided to write one myself and be sad as hell. this was inspired by me listening to kevin sing i will follow you into the dark and thinking about a situation that would follow the song lyrics pretty well. apologies if there are any errors! it's 3:30 am and i can't be bothered to fix it. i hope you enjoy :D and if any of this is inaccurate i apologize as well. im fortunate enough to have never experienced a family member go through cancer, much less see them die, so apologies if some of the information is wrong.

it all seemed to happen so fast. one minute you and kevin were sitting in your living room, gaming to your hearts' content, and the next you were passed out on the floor unresponsive. of course, as soon as kevin realized that you weren't getting up, he immediately called an ambulance. this one moment changed both of your lives forever. 

the next thing you remember is sitting in front of a cancer specialist. you had cancer, and it was pretty far gone. the only thing you picked up was that chemotherapy was the only way to go, but even then the chances of getting out of this were slim. you didn't pay much attention. you knew how bad cancer was. you knew that you probably weren't getting out of this alive, so you look over to kevin. your amazing boyfriend, who has loved and supported you all these years, and you have done the same. you were there when he was recovering from the car accident, and you were there as his youtube career really started to kick off. you loved him with all your heart. so, as the specialist and kevin spoke, you analyzed kevin. like this was the first time you ever saw him.

kevin was devastated when he found out you had cancer. you were unconscious at the time, and a doctor came up to him to show the results of the tests they did. he almost fainted. he couldn't believe it. immediately, he started planning out everything he could do. this was cancer pretty far along, so he decided that when you both were able, he would take you to explore the world. he would show you everything you'd ever wanted to see, and spend every moment he could with you. as much as he hated it, he was willing to drop doing videos for the time being. he loved his fans, but you were more important right now. 

when you both got home, kevin did some quick video sessions. something to fill up the next couple of days before he released a video announcing his break. at that point on, he spent every moment he could with you. when you two went to sleep, he held you like this was the first time you two had every cuddled. he woke up early that next morning just to attempt to make you breakfast. he's not the greatest at cooking, but he was able to manage some eggs and bacon, just the way you liked it. he picked it up from watching you make it. he carried it into the bedroom and ate in bed with you, as you two talked about the next couple of months. 

then started chemotherapy. 

you were so tired. and you started losing weight. it was so heartbreaking for kevin to watch. he couldn't even imagine the pain you were going through. but you toughed it out.  
with permission from your doctor, about 2 months into chemo, you two started traveling. you had to be very careful, as risk of infection was high while on chemo, but you and kevin were willing to be as careful as possible. you visited some places in the states, canada, iceland, london, as many as you and kevin could think of. you had about as fun as you could have while the looming cloud of cancer hung over you.

but it went downhill quick. 

it at least was fine until you got back. the symptoms just started hitting you harder, and as the chemotherapy tried to combat it you were just so tired all the time, and lost so much weight. kevin did what he could to keep you upbeat, but he won't deny the amount of times he was crying in the bathroom while you slept. he was so scared.  
it started to get to the point where you had to stay at the hospital full time. it almost seemed worse. you didn't get to wake up in your own bed, you didn't get to eat kevin's now-better breakfast in bed, the closest you could feel to being at home was having kevin there with you as much as he could. he brought your switch to you so you could both play games together, he bought you fast food when you asked for it, and he cuddled with you in the hospital bed on particularly worse nights. 

the greatest thing that he did for you though, was sing to you.  
he had gotten better as he did more twitch sings streams, and even learned some songs on his ukulele and guitar. he would sing to you as much as you liked, from songs like can't help falling in love with you, to riptide, to memey songs like all-star, and everything in between. he made you feel warm in fuzzy as this cancer beat you down.  
it all happened too fast. 

it was later at night. you, for the first time in a while, was having a particularly hard time sleeping. so, kevin decided to sing you to sleep, as that had worked in the past, even before all of this happened. he chose a softer song, one that he loved to sing, but he didn't think about the choice of it until after. 

he sung cant help falling in love. 

he sat close to you, holding your smaller hand in his. you were already feeling different than normal, almost worse. but you didn't care at the time. all of your attention was focused on kevin, who had now started to sing. but he had another song on his mind as he did so. 

'love of mine, some day you will die,  
but i'll be close behind,'

he rubbed your hand softly with his thumb. he had thought about this song a lot lately, especially how coincidental it was. he didn't dare sing it out loud, though. maybe it was in fear of jinxing it, but it was more or so not to ruin your mood. 

'i'll follow you into the dark.  
no blinding light,  
or tunnels to gates of white.  
just our hands clasped so tight.  
waiting for a hint of a spark,'

he picked up on your slowly leaving consciousness as he continued through the chorus. your heart beat slowed. your breathing started to become irregular, more so than it already was. he kept singing, but kept thinking. 

'you and me, have seen everything to see.  
from bangkok to calgary,  
and the soles of your shoes  
are all worn down.  
the time for sleep is now,  
it's nothing to cry about,  
cause we'll hold each other soon,  
in the blackest of rooms,'

your hands were so much colder than they normally were. kevin hadn't noticed until now, but you felt so cold, as opposed to your normally warm and lively self. and your continuously irregular breathing didn't help either. 

'if heaven and hell decide  
that they both are satisfied.  
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.  
if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,  
i will follow you into the dark,'

it happened quicker than he expected. your breathing became more shallow, and your heartbeat had slowed significantly.  
the beeping of your heart stopping felt unreal to him.  
he held your body close as he cried out in pain, whispering i love you's to the you that was no longer there. tears streamed down his face as he thought of everything you both could've done. he imagined the dog you both would get, who you would reluctantly agree to name scruffy, running around the backyard. he imagined the wedding day that he wished he would've had, surrounded by friends and family as you two tell each other your vows. he imagined the kids you two would've had, with you waking up and making them breakfast before sending them to school. 

all that was gone now. 

you were dead. 

cancer had won the battle. 

and kevin planned to follow you into the dark.


End file.
